I am the Cofounder of The Daily Drip, a media platform that, in four short years, has achieved explosive growth and success, for which I’ve become synonymous. And after every single milestone along the way, the anxiety surrounding each push caused me to seriously debate if I should burn it all to the ground.

I’ve been called a “genius”, a “gifted mind”, and a “rare talent” more times than I care to admit. My own industry peers routinely reference the unfair advantage of my “magic”. And not a day goes by that I don’t sit in anxiety asking myself, “What will be the mistake, what will I miss, that results in my fall from grace? How much time do I have before they realize the truth about me?” The truth being that maybe I’ve just been lucky, and luck eventually runs out.

This is how I process achievement. So, you can imagine how I process failure.

For years I have achieved some pretty monumental heights, for my clients and for The Daily Drip, and with each new height, the satisfaction evaporates quicker, followed by a period of extreme anxiety and depression that lasts longer. The only thing that seems to stabilize me during these periods is time- and the next big challenge.

Sure, there are a few wellness hacks I’ve learned along the way. During these “episodes”, walking outside in nature has proven to be helpful. I find that a healthy amount of solitude and reflection helps me process all my emotions and quiet my mind. Sleep also works wonders. Understanding that these episodes are temporary has been most helpful and comforts me during the times when I’m reeling out of control. I remind myself that it will pass.

But if I’m being honest, nothing quite gets me back to me like the next big thing… starting the cycle all over again. Oh the masochism.

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time wondering what’s wrong with me, desperately trying to understand why I can’t just be happy and be present in the moment, why I can’t just relish in a job well done, why I’m relentlessly dissatisfied with my outcomes.

But all I could come up with was shame- shame that I can’t get a grip and manage my emotions. Shame for how that impacts those closest to me. Shame that while everyone else is celebrating, I’m compiling a list of gripes and “opportunities” for next time.  Shame that I immediately jump into the next thing because I’m addicted to the pressure….

But then I recently stumbled across a term for this by management experts George D. Parsons and Richard T. Pascale, who describe this vicious cycle as “summit syndrome”.

What a moment for me!

Not only did I discover that this is a “thing” AND I’m not alone in this struggle, BUT I finally have clarity around wtf is happening to me! And as a result, how to better handle it. Also, I’ve now given my crashes a cute little nickname- “summit plummets”.

If you struggle with summit plummets, here’s a breakdown of what’s happening, why your management efforts probably haven’t helped, and what you should be doing instead to unhook yourself from this vicious cycle.

What’s Going On?

Want to know why happiness, fulfillment, or even basic satisfaction quickly evaporates for you in the presence of achievement?  Enter “the curse of competence”.

If you’re highly skilled at something, your standards will match your skill level. The gifted and talented assume success, which means success isn’t a cause for celebration but instead, the minimum level of reasonable performance. Anything less than success is a failure and therefore, success itself becomes nothing more than acceptable.

The very fact that high achievers are often unaware of this conundrum is what keeps us chasing- chasing the next big thing, chasing accomplishments, chasing the adrenaline rush, chasing the happiness and fulfillment we think is waiting for us on the other side.

Why Are We Like This?!

There is an element of humanity at play. We’re hard wired this way for a reason. We’re social creatures, and with that comes the quest for identity, validation, and our metaphorical “place” in society. How do we earn our “place”? Through chasing: chasing resources (survival will bring out the hero in all of us), chasing ideas (hello innovation), chasing status, chasing partners, chasing money, chasing achievements, chasing reputations.

We aren’t designed to be happy and satisfied with the status quo- we’re designed to chase.

The toxicity comes when our quest for identity is overshadowed by the need to feel a sense of value or worthiness.  

For people like me, achievements take on new meaning. They aren’t a source of joy- they’re a necessity. A misguided path to feeling worthy, valued, or loveable (the results of a wide variety of life circumstances that can impact our belief systems in this way).

When it comes to achievement and success, whether an all-star athlete, celebrity, business tycoon, or even someone like me, the motivation and drive for success is often dark, and not the stuff of inspiration. Sure, some people are driven by a beautiful pull towards realizing their fullest sense of self, but most of us are just driven by fear- fear of not being enough.

A drive predicated on the need to be enough cannot ever truly feel enjoyable— the drive can feel desperate. Any resulting positive feelings are tarnished by the exhaustion that comes with desperation. 

Most advice suggests that we should try to increase gratitude and learn to practice more mindfulness. This line of thinking begs the question, “Why can’t I appreciate these wonderful achievements?”

But a more productive question might be, “Why do I feel so compelled to achieve these things at all?” This is how we can begin to unhook ourselves from the misguided meaning we attach to these achievements.

How to Unhook from the Attachment

“The only way to win the game is to stop moving the goal post”- Moran Hasel

I read this quote while scrolling through social media. It was posted by some mindset, high achieving, business guru whose name I can’t even remember now (cue the eye roll).

His name wasn’t memorable, but his message was. Maybe because it hit me right when I needed to hear it most. He shared this quote alongside his own caption that read: “Burn your finish line. There’s nowhere to arrive.” I wrote both down and read them whenever I catch myself giving more weight to something than it deserves.

This post simply and profoundly sums up the “arrival fallacy” and its choke hold on us- the belief that once you achieve a goal you’ll finally be fulfilled, only to be left with emptiness, which keeps us chasing and searching for fulfillment.  I have been on a mission to unhook from this toxic treadmill and in doing so, I have inadvertently found where fulfillment truly lives.

It lives in mastery- the journey of becoming, earned through hours of effort, iteration, self-reflection, growth, and creation.

I realized the secret to detaching from outcomes and finding true fulfillment and joy lies in romanticizing the journey, not the destination. Instead of wrapping my identity and worth around an outcome, I have embraced my identity as a human on a journey of mastery.

I am on the journey of mastering media, marketing, leadership, community building, communication, product development, service development, innovation, etc.

The journey of mastery is an infinite game. It never ends. There’s always something new to learn and new heights to reach. I’ve accomplished a lot, but that’s not who I am. 

I am just a human who dares to commit to the journey of mastery. I choose to wake up every day and play this infinite game. I choose to continue to learn and iterate, even when it’s hard, even during times of setback. This is my identity- this is who I am and what defines me. I am someone choosing to become a master at something. And understanding this truth is how I’ve burned my finish line.

I choose this path because, quite frankly, I love it. I pinch myself regularly that I get to master this work, and create every day, alongside some of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. What a gift.

I am learning to shift my mindset to obsess over the process of mastery and relish in the experience of the journey, not the outcomes and milestones. I focus on the magic of all the moments along the way. I cherish the memories made, the relationships built, the small wins, and the progress.

Of course, I still have milestones and goals, they just don’t define me anymore.  The journey does.

The Truth

Am I still affected by failure and summit plummets? Yes. But not in the same debilitating way I once was.

Before, if I failed, or if my outcomes didn’t reach the ridiculous expectations I was striving for, it was another reason to feel inadequate. If I accomplished something spectacular, it was “proof” that my achievements are what determine my value and worthiness, so into the next quest for validation I went.

Now, with this newfound sense of awareness and clarity around this toxic thought process, along with a shift in mindset focused on the journey, I now have a durable, internal sense of self-esteem that can withstand external failure and success alike. These days, these fleeting moments in my life affect me for days, not weeks, and they affect me differently. There’s less chastising going on in my head, and instead, more processing and self-reflection.

I find myself asking more, “What does this outcome mean for my journey? Where am I now, on my path to mastery?”

When I catch myself jumping into the next big thing, I now pause and ask myself, “Why do I feel compelled to achieve this next goal? How will this next goal support my journey towards mastery? More importantly, how will this have a positive impact for others?”

I’ve learned that unhooking from the attachment to outcomes is a process in patience, grace, and faith. I’ve also learned that it is the most worthwhile investment we can make in ourselves, because it influences how we show up and respond in so many other aspects of our lives, such as parenthood, romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, and more.

Of all the accomplishments I’ve achieved, learning to slowly unhook from the attachment to outcomes has been the one that has served me most in my life- and the one I am most proud of.