In my experience, when clients seek therapy, they are typically in a state of confusion and internal chaos. They verbalize feelings such as not being able to make sense of their thoughts, or feeling as though they are “stuck” and unsure of how to move forward. This is particularly true of those struggling with a toxic relationship, whether romantic, friendship, family, or even a toxic job. 

Ambivalence, confusion, fear, pain. The idea of leaving a toxic situation can spur all of these emotions and that’s totally normal. My job is to help break down these difficult feelings so people can understand what they are ready for in terms of change. Change is scary. The unknown seems like a deep abyss. Add in a global pandemic and our Fight or Flight response is kicked into overdrive. As a clinical therapist, I use our sessions to understand what that person is ready to do. It is as simple as that. I meet my clients where they are. 

I am not here to force a client to leave a toxic situation, but rather to assess and help provide clarity around his or her readiness for change. To accomplish this, I like to utilize the Stages of Change Model introduced in the late 1970s by researchers James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente. 

For those experiencing a toxic relationship or situation, there is no clarity of boundaries, no clarity of respect and authentic love, no clarity of connection and no clarity of mutual trust. The Stages of Change Model provides a simple framework for clarity around these things so you can identify how much change you’re ready for and begin to take actionable steps. 

Stages of Change: 

Stage 1: Pre-Contemplation