Someone, somewhere is going to read this editorial and think that I’m overreacting – or worse – label me as an extremist that’s just looking for an excuse to cancel someone.  So before I even begin, here’s the reality:  I don’t shy away from sharing my opinions, but I also don’t chase after drama. In fact, in this season of “me”, if I know you disagree, I usually keep my thoughts to myself to sidestep unnecessary conflict.  It takes a lot to actually offend me, so if I’m speaking up, it’s not because I’m hypersensitive—it’s because I believe this is worth addressing.

As a woman in leadership, navigating "me too" moments is an unfortunate but familiar part of the climb.  I've dealt with my fair share of patronizing remarks, dismissive attitudes, and the subtle undermining from male colleagues who couldn't quite grasp that my presence in the room was earned, not owed to anyone.  Sadly, 30 years later, this is still very much part of the game.  But recently, I found myself in a situation that left me at a complete loss for words.   Did I handle it perfectly….not so much, but nevertheless, it’s a story that should be told.

A sales representative – a woman - came to pitch her company’s services to me and our Chief Operating Officer.  To set the context for you, this was not a casual conversation; this was a formal presentation setting where we were evaluating whether or not to engage with her company’s services.  She was joined by two male colleagues, and all seemed relatively straightforward until she said something that absolutely floored me.  

While explaining the benefits of their product, she said, “…it’s kind of like having a work wife.”

Stay with me here: here was an opportunity for a professional woman to walk into a room and demonstrate her competence, her command of her product, and her value to our organization. Instead, she fell into a tired narrative that reduces women, even in positions of power, to a menial support role. 

What does a “work wife” even imply? That the tool she’s selling is like having someone to manage small, remedial tasks? To clean up behind you?  To make your work life more comfortable by taking on duties stereotypically assigned to women?

There she was, standing in front of not one, but two female executives, in a space where women in leadership roles are still underrepresented, still fighting to be seen as equals, and yet, instead of recognizing the shared experience of overcoming systemic biases, she chose to diminish not only the product she was selling but the very women she was selling it to?  

I had to know what she was thinking.  I HAD TO.  The sheer absurdity of the moment demanded a response.  In genuine disbelief, I stopped her mid-pitch, and asked, “Did you really just say that out loud?”   And it only got worse from there.

Was I right to confront her in the way that I did?  In hindsight, I regret calling her out in front of her colleagues and during such a formal presentation.  I watched her deflate in front of me, and in that moment, I realized I’d diminished her just as she had diminished me.  

I stand by the conviction that whether we are leaders, colleagues, or employees, we all have a responsibility to challenge these moments; however, there were better ways to have this conversation - ways that could have empowered her to reflect without making her feel small.  We need to empower each other to grow, not tear each other down.

If this experience taught me anything, it’s that we must be relentless—not just in calling out bias, but in how we lift each other up in that process.  It’s not enough to simply point out the problem;  we have to ensure we evolve from it, so that the next generation of female leaders isn’t stuck fighting the same tired stereotypes we’ve battled for decades.  It’s time we break that cycle once and for all.

The language we use matters.  The future of leadership isn’t just about more women in the room - it’s about transforming the culture of that room.  The words we choose either reinforce the glass ceiling or help to shatter it.  Phrases like ‘work wife’ don’t just undermine women in the room -they reinforce the very barriers that keep us from being seen as equals.  Each time language like this is used in a professional setting, it chips away at the progress women have fought for.  It’s 2024 and yet here we are, still having to remind people: we’re not here to clean up after anyone—we’re here to lead.

If we truly want workplaces where women are seen as equals, we need to stop trivializing our contributions with outdated phrases.  We can’t afford to undermine each other with the same stereotypes we’ve fought to dismantle. The professional world is full of intelligent, capable women. Let’s focus on that—not on whose metaphorical lunch we’re packing.