It’s a gloomy overcast evening; yet my heart is full. I am sitting at a table in a bright casual seafood restaurant, an environment that is humble, warm, and inviting. I am sitting across from my mentor and coach, Shellye Archambeau, an absolute titan in her own right and perhaps the master at crafting a vision and building a life by design, not default. Shellye and I were conversing about how so many of us go through life in “the passenger seat of our car”, allowing others, events, or circumstances to take the wheel and determine our destinations.

Sitting in the driver’s seat is the key to ensuring that we live the lives we desire. When it comes to living the life you want, the “how” is simple: YOU have to create it. It doesn’t just happen.

Creating the life of your dreams requires, what I call, the four E.P.I.C. steps.

E - ENVISION

You first need to set the vision. This entails articulating and envisioning the life you want for yourself. Who do you want to be in 5-10 years? Where do you want to live? How do you want to be seen? How do you see yourself looking? Where do you see yourself working or what do you see yourself doing? Who are you surrounded by?

I often envision my life, envision the woman I wish to become, and envision who I am becoming. I know exactly the type of woman I will be in 5-10 years, what I will be doing, the people I will be surrounded by, the money I will have in my bank account, the assets I will own, and the impact I will be making in the world. Visualizing my future self helps me to illustrate the desires of my heart and see clearly the direction I need to take. You must set the vision.

P – PLAN

A vision without a plan is really just a dream; building a plan for your vision converts the dream into reality. The key lies in the setting of goals. What must be the case for you to be the woman you envisioned yourself becoming? What steps do you have to take, in the form of quarterly and annual goals, to realize your vision?

At the beginning of each year, I plan out the year by crafting quarterly goals that will get me closer to my vision. If my vision is to be a globally known speaker, my annual goal this year may be to have 5 speaking engagements in 5 different countries. My quarterly goals may be speaker training, polishing my bio and website, researching and identifying the speaking opportunities available and the ones I want in my portfolio, etc. Set the goals that you need to achieve to realize the vision. PLAN!

I – INFLUENTIAL CIRCLES

Our social environment, our tribes, our circle of influence will strongly impact whether we are able to realize our vision or not, whether we achieve our goals or not, whether we are able to become who we wish to become or not. The expectations of our tribes, our groups, our social environments often influence in a strong way the habits we find attractive, the habits we do not find attractive, and significantly, the habits we stick with in a strong way. Our lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of our peer group.

As a result, we must endeavor to surround ourselves with people and in influential circles where our desired behavior is the normal behavior.

So ask yourself: is your environment supporting your goals? Is your environment furthering your vision? Is your environment reinforcing the beliefs you have about yourself? This also applies to social media. When you choose who you’re following, you are choosing your future thoughts; you are choosing your flow of information. Think carefully about the thoughts that you have and the thoughts you want to have, as your thoughts (both direct or indirect) are a result of the information you consume.

C – CREATE the SYSTEM

My favorite book of all time is Atomic Habits, written by James Clear; and in this book, James writes about the importance of setting up a system to ensure that we are primed to succeed and to realize our vision. For any one that has had a newborn, think of this process similarly. When you bring your newborn home, you’re bringing them into an environment you’ve spent days, weeks, or months curating, one that will ensure the baby is set up for success. You have removed sharp objects, covered up electrical outlets, removed dangerous hazards around the home. You have set up feeding stations, changing stations, and routines. In much the same way, we must structure our environment to ensure we are set up to successfully achieve our goals. James writes that the four keys to successful habit-building which will form the foundations of a successful system are to make one’s habits (1) obvious, (2) attractive, (3) easy, and (4) satisfying. Stack the odds in your favor so that the outcome is a successful one. I do this by taking the quarterly goals I have set to further my vision and breaking them into “small chunks”: what do I need to do every day, every week, every month to achieve the goals I have set this quarter? 

I started the year at 216 pounds, the largest I have been in my entire life. During the pandemic, my weight ballooned from 185 pounds to over 200 pounds and I stayed there until 2024. In March of this year, I remember staring in the mirror and thinking, how did I get here? I was utterly frustrated, disappointed, and unhappy about my image, my weight, and how I had failed to take care of myself and my health. It was then that I vowed to lose 40 pounds within 3 months: that was the quarterly goal. 

I then took that quarterly goal and broke it into small chunks: lose 10-15 pounds a month, lose 1-3 pounds a week. I “made it obvious’” by throwing out all the unhealthy snacks in my home and keeping fruit at bay, along with consistently listening to health focused podcasts and putting up pictures of women whose bodies I admired. I “made it attractive” by stocking up on foods that I loved that were healthy and furthered my goal, like avocado, blueberries, and blackberries; by buying new clothes when I lost a few pounds; by imagining the things I could do at a healthier weight. I “made it easy” by always leaving a pair of gym clothes in my car so I could head to the gym across the street after leaving the office. I also diarized my gym time, blocking and carving the hour of exercise out in my work calendar. I “made it satisfying” by giving myself an “off reward” day each week. I was intentional about my goal of getting healthy and losing weight. 

I achieved my goal, lost 40 pounds within the quarter, and I feel so good! I am happy with the one I have become and am becoming.  I am happy with who I see in the mirror.

Today is the day, the first day in building the life of your dreams. Be EPIC and seize it!