I used to ask myself if “survivor” was the most appropriate word to use.  I mean, does anyone really survive clinical depression?  Or do you just live in the wake of its destruction and rebuild from the remnants until it chooses you again?  

I can only speak to you about suicidal ideation from my own experience. And although it is a place that I have frequented often, it is not a place that I have been willing to speak from or about.  I rarely share my perspective with others because I have learned that unless they have been personally choked out by its grip, they will never truly understand the paralyzing oppressive power of depression - nor are they necessarily ready to bear the weight of that understanding.  

However, the oversimplification of the mental health matters movement has led me to this platform.  Statistically, less than 30% of those in your network have experienced a depressive episode. Significantly less will attempt or even consider attempting suicide. Yet, the vast majority of people truly believe they have experienced or understand clinical depression. 

At first, I said nothing about the mental health movement.  I mean, the merch is adorable and self-care is undeniably essential.  It’s certainly not harmful to educate and empower others to end the stigma.  I had hope for the potential of the initiative, but it seemed like the conversation never deepened.  It seems like everyone is an expert now and yet despite all of the trending hashtags, we seemed to have replaced the stigma of mental health with trivialization.  I can’t help but wonder if my silence, and the silence of others like me, has contributed to the perpetuation of these reductive opinions.  

The reality is that my diagnosis is much more complicated than your hashtag suggests. 

Science will tell you that there's a profound difference between being sad about a life event and being plagued with clinical depression.  Quite honestly, if the message on your hoodie is enough to stop someone from ending their life that day, they are NOT coping with clinical depression.  The idea that we tell people that sunlight and yoga are the answer…is this really the best we can do? Offer trendy solutions to those battling a relentless and debilitating mental illness?  

Don’t get me wrong, self-care is essential. A cup of tea and a yoga session can be comforting, and part of a healthy routine. But let’s be real here: these are not cures for depression. Suggesting otherwise diminishes the gravity of what people with clinical depression endure.  We’re essentially telling people that if they’re still struggling after their yoga class, they must be doing something wrong. This is not only unfair—it’s cruel and we are failing those who need real, substantial help. 

So let’s move beyond the hashtags and deepen the conversation a bit on what it’s really like to live with depression. I’ll start. This is what it feels like to live with depression, from my own experience.

Unlike sadness, which can be linked to specific events or circumstances, depression often has no clear cause and can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, income, or education. It is not a choice.  It’s not a mood that someone can simply snap out of with a few deep breaths, nor is it a sign of weakness.  

The reality of clinical depression is complex and deeply personal.  It is not a single, uniform experience. It manifests differently for everyone, often without warning.  It’s not just feeling down or having a bad day.  For some, it is a debilitating condition that consumes every aspect of their life, making even the simplest tasks feel impossible.  For others, it's a consuming plague of overwhelming hopelessness that bleeds them of self-worth until they truly believe that death is the only peace.  There are some who experience a single major depressive episode and never even consider ending their life and then there those of us who will struggle within a lifelong battle of suicidal ideation. 

As a survivor, I can think of no greater visual that would describe my own experiences than the cloud that enveloped New York City immediately after the towers fell to the ground.  Depression is a thick consuming insulated void that chases and suffocates everything in your space until it chokes you out.   

Some of us are able to escape through medication and therapy.  Depression IS treatable and with time you learn that it’s absolutely predictable and anything but creative. The lies it tells you are never new.  It sticks to the same old playlists that never fail to deliver: 

- You’re just making it worse for them.  They'd be better off without you.

- Who are you kidding?  You don’t matter.  Nobody really cares.

- Death is the only way out.

With the help of a licensed therapist, you will start to identify the lies for what they are. You can separate the nonsense from reality and find a way to cope, to live, and most importantly, to survive.  Therapy and medication provide the scaffolding needed to rebuild your life.  Still, therapy and medication are not cures; they are simply tools to manage a relentless battle. 

This is not a call to cancel the self-care movement.  Self-care can be a valuable part of managing mental health, but it is not a substitute for professional treatment. It’s important to differentiate between activities that make us feel good and those that provide real therapeutic value.   

We need to continue to build a society where talking about mental health is as ordinary as discussing physical health. This cultural shift is crucial and opens doors for conversations that were once shrouded in shame and secrecy.  However, simply normalizing the conversation is not enough. We must push for deeper, more meaningful solutions that go beyond hashtags and catchy slogans; creating safe spaces where people can openly share their struggles without fear of judgment or trivialization. We must engage in honest, challenging discussions about the realities of living with and managing mental illness, treating mental health with the same importance and respect as physical health.

Professional help is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.  We must advocate for better access to mental health care and vote for those who are willing to invest in mental health resources.  This means fighting for policies that support mental health funding and infrastructure. Our elected officials have the power to enact policies that can make a real difference. They can allocate funding for mental health research, support community mental health programs, and ensure that mental health services are included in healthcare plans.  By supporting candidates who prioritize mental health, we can drive legislative changes that provide much-needed support to those suffering in silence.

To those who suffer silently, know that your pain is valid and that there is real help available. Empower yourself with knowledge. Understand your condition, learn about the treatments available, and don’t be afraid to advocate for the care you need. Your journey is unique, and so is your path to healing.

Let’s abandon oversimplification and stand together for meaningful change. Because #mentalhealthmatters is not just a hashtag—it’s a rallying cry for collective action.

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Do you love a child who is struggling through feelings of loss, sadness or depression?  Children's Harbor, Inc offers FREE in-home counseling for families.  You do not have to go through this alone.  Call (954) 252-3072 or visit www.childrensharbor.org for help.  

If you or a loved one are thinking about suicide, dial 988 on your phone to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Someone is available to help you 24/7.