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Wellness
July 31, 2024

Chasing Happiness: Redefining Success & Aligning Choices

Post By:
Kelly Tolliday
In-House Contributor
Founder
Transform With Travel
Guest Contributor:

Being an entrepreneur for most of my life, there has always been an underlying sense of wanting to prove myself. All of my businesses, ideas and passions were an excellent way to prove my worth to society (but only if they were successful.) 

Because of this inflated sense of value in my career, I felt super solid in my identity as a business owner - but what about my identity as a mother? As a wife? As an ocean lover, a writer, a traveler and the plethora of interests that I have that don’t directly equate to my job title? 

The past 9 months have been about leaning into a season of transition, of slowing down and unraveling all these different parts of me that I’ve left in the shadows in favor of flexing my professional muscles. I’ve decided to share this transitional journey with you all here, at The Daily Drip, and the process has been as helpful for me as I hope it’s been for you.

The first article I shared was about how I felt stuck in the mud, unable to see a clear way forward but knowing I needed a change. I knew I wanted to slow down, but had no idea how.

The second article came about from finding more clarity and peace in who I was becoming and how you too could ride any life transition that comes your way.

This month, I feel more and more settled with my decision to slow down and take a pause within my professional life. My nervous system has slowly recalibrated from chronic overachieving to a mindset of reduced daily output, but increased daily satisfaction.

What I’ve come to learn more and more is that there is more to life than a professional title and year-on-year upwards trajectory. What I’ve learned in this season is that our life is not defined by a career path, a corporate ladder or a client portfolio. I’ve learned to redefine what a successful life looks like, and more importantly, what it feels like to me. 

A successful life is not synonymous with a successful career. Your career is a component of who you are, but not all of who you are. We know from research and personal anecdotes that you can have all of the professional titles and money in the world and still be unhappy and unfulfilled. 

So why do we put our career on such a high pedestal when we know that it is not the end-all be-all of happiness? Here are the steps I took to redefine what success and fulfillment looks like and feels like for me.

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To redefine success, we have to understand where our stories around success come from.  

  • Who or what defined “success” for you as a child? 
  • Was success purely material, like having a nice car or a pool in the backyard? 
  • Was it around having free time to spend time with family or travel? 
  • Did you hear your parents discuss finances? Or did one parent hold all of the cards financially?
  • Did you see or hear family members place value on hobbies, interests or friendships outside of careers or parental obligations? 

Once we understand what we’ve defined as success, we can then look at our life currently as a wheel with all of the spokes that make up a well-rounded, holistic, beautiful life - relationships, hobbies or interests, health & wellness, finances, career, purpose, to name a few. 

We can start to identify which areas of our life fall to the wayside in favor of others. If you consistently say you want to prioritize your health, but you rate your health as a 4 and your career as a 10, you can then see that you are prioritizing your career over your health. And only then can you begin to ask yourself why. This is the start of unpacking, and possibly redefining, success.

You can do this by asking:

  • What does a successful life feel like for you? 
  • How do you want to feel on a day-to-day basis? 
  • How do you want to spend your days?
  • How do you want to make others feel when they spend time with you? 
  • How do you feel currently? And how can you bridge that gap between how you feel now and how you want to feel? 

When you can focus more on how you want your life to feel, rather than how you think it should look, you can start to make decisions based on the well-rounded, robust, vibrant life you want, rather than following down the path others might have laid out for you. 

I’ve been lucky enough to have built a successful travel business with an incredible community of people who want to explore with us more and more each year. In the last three years, we began offering more retreats, more group experiences, more events, more classes, more, more, more. I felt as though my business was a speeding train and the more success, the more overwhelming it felt, especially as a mom of two little girls. 

But I was afraid to hop off the train, fearing I would never have the same momentum again. So I didn’t.

As a result, I wasn’t fully present with my children at home during such crucial ages in their development and I knew that this was going to be a regret I would carry with me if I didn’t make a change. There are only so many time-hacking tips one can religiously follow until you realize that sometimes you can have it all, just not at the same time.  Sometimes, we have to prioritize and the choice is between two parts of life that we love. 

For me, that meant taking a small step back from the leadership position in my business, allowing others to take on more responsibility, and loosening the grips of control. In other words, I slowed down. Way down.

In slowing down, I’ve uncovered a deep sense of satisfaction with this season of my life. From mindfully cooking dinner for my family, to being there to wake my daughter up from her nap, to going for a long walk with my dogs, I’ve realized the simple, slow pleasures in life are the true luxuries that I was craving. These were luxuries that a jam-packed schedule could never provide me.

I feel successful as a business owner and mother, who now enjoys these luxuries daily.

Whether it’s for health, family or another priority, a pause or downshift in your career to prioritize other parts of you is not a career ender, but a career builder. It is a period of deep personal development to open yourself up to inspiration, creativity, and new relationships. 

I’ve been honored to share my story with you over the last few months as I settle into my new normal of mommy & me playdates, long walks around the neighborhood, and not feeling guilty going to mid-morning fitness classes. My business is still being run by my incredible team (and me during nap times!) Spoiler Alert: Momentum hasn’t slowed down - I just didn’t have to be the driver of the train. And I’m genuinely so excited about this new chapter ahead, embracing the unknowns and staying true to myself along the way. 

I hope this series has served you in some capacity to reevaluate your priorities, redefine success for you and embrace changes and transitions with open arms. 

If you would like to learn more on how to slow down and about our experiences and programming that can support you on your journey visit www.travelwithrnr.com.